Trent Dilfer is owning his anger
Trent Dilfer is owning his anger.
Recently former pro football player Trent Dilfer, who is now a high school football coach, seem to lose self control when addressing a player recently on the sideline during a game.
In a moment of frustration during a game, Dilfer aggressively yelled at his player and even put hands on the teenager, pushing him away as he yelled at him.
The player, who was not physically injured during the heat of the moment exchange, recoiled from his coach’s aggression and was finally calmed by teammates as Dilfer walked away. There was no physical impact to the coach’s aggressive anger, but could there be other adverse impact to the player’s emotional or relational health?
Although the physical aggression at the moment may not have seemed completely out of place on the sideline of an aggressive and violent sport like football, Dilfer realized later that he may have overreacted.
Dilfer has since apologized and owned his angry behavior after processing and thinking more about that emotionally out of control moment. He expressed regret that he took out his frustration with the team on that one single player. The former pro quarterback realized he had lost his cool under pressure.
Anger = Unclear (even distorted) thinking
What Dilfer probably realizes is that it’s OK that he was angry at the moment but the way he expressed it was inappropriate and over the top.
Anger that’s expressed through aggressive behavior is toxic and disconnecting between people. Anger that’s expressed through assertive behavior is energizing and can help deepen and strengthen relationships between people.
Understanding what’s happening inside your brain during intensely angry situations can help empower you to express your anger in much more assertive and healthy ways.
Your angry reaction to another person or situation, or even inanimate objects, causes your brain to go into a pattern of activities that works against your clear thinking and good judgment.
The emotional processing parts of your brain that are activated when you become angry become inflamed and can hijack and dominate your brain processing — quickly reducing your clear thinking, situational awareness, and problem solving.
You can empower yourself to change your angry brain processing in the heat of that angry moment. Using simple tools to change your thinking immediately when you feel yourself getting angry can help change your angry reaction.
You can train your brain to be able to react to people and situations differently when you get angry. Your brain has developed angry thinking habits and reactions and those habits can be changed.
By being assertive in your angry reaction rather than aggressive, you will feel better and closer to the person who you become angry with.
Being able to quickly calm your brain and body when you feel yourself becoming angry will help you maintain clear thinking, better situational awareness, and be much more equipped to solve the problems around you.
Any leader, like Coach Dilfer, is able to develop healthy assertive anger skills to help them be more effective leaders.
Dilfer was able to be more reflective on his aggressive angry behavior later when he was not in the heat of the moment, and his brain was not overwhelmed with emotion.
Many times after being angry, when the angry feelings subside, you may be more reflective and feel that you could have handled a situation differently or said something differently to someone.
Will coach Dilfer react differently in a similar angry situation next time? Is the recognition of an inappropriate, over the top, behavior enough to change angry thinking patterns and habits in the heat of that angry moment?
The angry thinking change process looks different for everyone. Changing habits can be a simple and quick process for some and a more complex and extensive process for others.
Empower yourself.
