How to Stop Getting Pleasure From Someone Else’s Pain
Schadenfreude: The Ugly Truth About Enjoying Others’ Misfortune
You need to face an ugly truth about your emotions.
You need to #stopschadenfreude
Schadenfreude is a German word that refers to the feeling of pleasure or satisfaction that you experience when you see someone else experiencing misfortune, failure, or suffering.
C’mon ‘fess up. You know that feeling.
Most of us have experienced schadenfreude at some point — but it’s not something that we often talk about.
Let’s delve deep into the psychology of schadenfreude — exploring what it is, what’s happening in our brains when we feel it, and most importantly, how we can stop feeling it.
Opposite of empathy
Let’s start by defining schadenfreude.
The word is made up of two parts: “schaden” which means damage or harm and “freude” which means joy.
So when you say schadenfreude — you’re talking about the joy or pleasure that you feel when you see others experiencing harm or damage.
It’s the opposite of empathy — which is the feeling of compassion or concern that you feel when you see others in pain.
Schadenfreude is a complicated emotion that is influenced by a number of factors. For example, you’re more likely to feel schadenfreude when you feel like you’re in competition with someone else.
This could be in a professional setting — where you’re competing for a promotion, or in a personal setting — where we’re competing for the attention of someone we’re attracted to.
In both these situations, when the other person experiences failure or pain, we feel a sense of pleasure or satisfaction.
Another factor that influences schadenfreude is envy.
When you see someone who has something that you want, whether it be a material possession or a personal characteristic, you may feel envious. And when that person experiences harm or failure, you may feel a sense of schadenfreude.
Your brain fires and wires
So what’s happening in your brain when you feel schadenfreude?
Research has shown that the emotion is associated with activity in the brain’s pleasure centers, specifically the ventral striatum and the ventromedial prefrontal cortex.
These areas of the brain are associated with the experience of pleasure and reward, and they’re activated when we see others experiencing harm or failure.
Emily was the envy of her colleagues. She was smart, attractive — and had a way of making everyone around her feel inferior.
Her coworkers couldn’t help but feel a twinge of satisfaction when something went wrong for her, even if it meant extra work for them. This feeling was known as schadenfreude.
One day, Emily’s computer crashed and she lost an important presentation she had been working on for weeks. Her coworkers watched with glee as she panicked and scrambled to recover her work. They whispered behind her back and took pleasure in her misfortune.
But little did they know, Emily was onto their game. She could feel the disdain and jealousy radiating from her colleagues and it only made her more determined to succeed. She worked tirelessly to fix her computer and rebuild her presentation.
The day of the presentation arrived and Emily walked into the conference room with a newfound confidence. She delivered her presentation flawlessly and received a standing ovation from her colleagues. They were in awe of her resilience and hard work.
Emily’s success made her coworkers realize the error of their ways. They felt guilty for their feelings of schadenfreude and vowed to be more supportive of each other in the future. They apologized to Emily and the office became a more positive and collaborative environment.
Emily also learned an important lesson. She realized that the envy and jealousy of others could be used as fuel to push her to be her best. She continued to excel in her career and her coworkers were happy to see her succeed, knowing that they had played a small part in her growth.
In the end, everyone learned that it was better to lift each other up instead of taking pleasure in each other’s misfortunes. Schadenfreude may be a natural feeling, but it is better to overcome it and strive for a more positive and supportive work environment.
Now that we have a better understanding of what schadenfreude is and what’s happening in our brains when we feel it, let’s talk about how we can stop feeling it.
The first step in stopping schadenfreude is to acknowledge that it’s a normal emotion. We all feel it from time to time, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. But just because it’s normal doesn’t mean that it’s healthy. And that’s why you need to work on stopping it.
#1 EMPATHY
One way to stop schadenfreude is to practice empathy.
When you see others experiencing harm or failure — instead of feeling pleasure or satisfaction — you should try to put ourselves in their shoes and understand the situation from their perspective. This will help you feel compassion and concern, rather than pleasure and satisfaction.
#2 REFLECTION
Another way to stop schadenfreude is to reflect on your own actions. Think about times when you’ve experienced failure or disappointment, and how you would want others to treat you in those situations.
Would you want them to feel pleasure or satisfaction at your expense? Or would you want them to show you empathy and compassion?
#3 GRATITUDE
Practicing gratitude is also a good way to stop schadenfreude.
Instead of focusing on the negative aspects of others’ lives, focus on the things in your own life that you are grateful for. This will shift your focus from the negative experiences of others to the positive experiences in your own life, and will help you to feel more positive emotions.
#4 FORGIVENESS
Practicing forgiveness is also crucial in stopping schadenfreude.
Holding grudges and resenting others can fuel feelings of schadenfreude.
“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” (Buddha)
Instead, try to forgive and move on from past conflicts or hurtful experiences. This will help you to release any negative feelings that you may have towards others, and will make it easier for you to feel empathy and compassion towards them.
#5 CONSIDER THE WHY
What could be causing you to feel schadenfreude?
Are there some issues in your past — your past experiences and relationships — that may be causing you to feel pleasure from someone else’s pain?
You can change your thinking patterns and habits, learn new ways to stay calm in the heat of an emotional moment, and work on boosting your self esteem and begin your journey of healing from your childhood trauma
#6 FOCUS ON YOUR INTERNAL
Another way to stop schadenfreude is to shift your focus from the external to the internal.
Instead of focusing on the actions and experiences of others — focus on your own actions and experiences. This will help you to develop a more positive and self-compassionate perspective on the world.
TL;DR
Schadenfreude is a complex and often uncomfortable emotion that is influenced by a number of factors.
By understanding what it is and what’s happening in your brain when you feel it — you can take steps to stop feeling it.
By practicing empathy, reflection, gratitude, forgiveness, and seeking professional help, we can overcome schadenfreude and develop a more positive and compassionate perspective on the world.
